"If I treat someone with indifference,

I am declaring to that individual, 'I don’t love you.'"

(Chuck Swindoll)

One of my 9 nine year old's vocabulary words recently was INDIFFERENT.  We defined it thus: To not have an opinion one way or the other.  Caleb's sample sentence was "I don't care what we have for dinner, I'm indifferent.  You can choose."  

Indifferent.

This week I have felt indifferent toward my children.  I'm tired, I've had some back pain from a recent car accident, it's our final push to the end of our first year of homeschooling and I'm already supposed to be turning in paperwork and curriculum choices for next fall, and the boys just want to play.  But I'm plain spent.  All poured out.  And so I feel... indifferent.  

They jump in the pool and splash and ask for watermelon and I think, "I should be happy, and smile back, but I can't muster it today." And so I walk back into the house and fold another basketful of crumpled laundry.  

It strikes me then, indifference is the borderland of depression.  The vast wasteland of depression is often entered through the valley of indifference.  But none of us choose to sojourn here. None of us choose to lack love.  Who makes the choice to withhold smiles and tender touches, laughter and intimacy?  Not one of us.  And yet we are spent to the end and find ourselves wandering dangerously close, if not smack dab in the middle of these perilous lands.  

How awful if my son had articulated indifference on his vocabulary test this way:  "Indifferent - My Mom feels indifferent toward me.  She would rather I just feed myself and tuck my own body into bed tonight.  Indifferent."

"Remove love and you have reduced life to a grinding,

friction-filled series of requirements and sterile assignments."  

(Chuck Swindoll) 

I'm tired.  But I can't just walk away.  And I won't.  I refuse to dance the fine line between lands. Indifference will not lead me to he depths of despair; I will turn purposefully toward the highlands. For love's sake, I will turn.

Turning is my choice.  Repentance.  To turn.  Turning from indifference to making a difference.  From I don't care, to choosing to care.  The turning is my choice.  

But the lifting... The lifting requires hands larger and more capable than mine.  My hands might be able to muscle their way out of the valley, this time, but God's hands... God's hands are mighty to save!  He can lift, and carry, and supplant my weary wandering heart.    He can lift and save, and reinvigorate me with love anew.  He can, and He will, and He does.  And He won't stop.  

Turn from Indifference to HIm, and He will increase the love.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:2) 

with my God I can scale a wall. (psalm 18:29)

The Lord God is my strength and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me walk upon mine high places.(Hubakkuk 3:19)

Welcome to those joining from OneSharendipityPlance and GraceLaced this week.