I never thought myself a formula girl until I had babies. No, I'm not talking about Infant Formulas -not Enfamil, Similac, or Bright Beginnings. I mean that blessed equation where a+b = c. Every time. ALWAYS! This is what my ingrained equation looked like when I popped out my three boys: If I wake up each morning and use tender words with my children, set up the easel often, bake homemade cookies, read Bible stories, gently correct, consistently train, always point out my own shortcomings and ask for their forgiveness, put down my smart phone to play dumb little games, give them warm baths and read more books, give them vitamins and take naps together.... If I do all these wonderful, praiseworthy parenting tasks THEN I CAN BE SURE I will get the right response from my children.

I do this, you do that in return. I feed you healthy food, you have a healthy body. I point you to God by modeling grace and teaching you about Jesus, and you grow to love God too. Yes, I love formulas... I won't lie! But we aren't cookie cutters... not them and not us. Formulas might work if it weren't for the age old sin issue we all struggle with.   Our dear little loves are sinners from the start. And what about us?

 But parenting, no matter how consistent we are, is not a formula. There are gigantic true things that every little developing person needs from their parents, but we can't add all those ingredients into a pot, mix them up with lots of kisses and expect things to turn out just so. Sometimes days they do, but most days they don't.

And I'm not the only one looking for specific answers to each battle scenario, I am certain of that!  Just this past February I went to a conference for Mothers hosted by Sally Clarkson.  It was my second time at her MomHeart Conference, though her book The Mission of Motherhood has been my favorite Mom-book of all time!  Anyway, here's the point, this is why I'm sure that I am not alone in this passionate drive for parental formulas...  Every time Sally opened up the floor to questions one woman after another would begin with "What would you do if..." or "Can you give me an example of what this grace-based parenting looks like when a child is..." and the best request of all began "Can you maybe role-play, you and your husband, what you would do if..."  

Sally and Clay looked at one another like dears in the headlights of a frenzied car.  Aren't we frenzied sometimes as we search for the answers that will lead our children to life, and our home into the blessing of peace as we enjoy each other?  After a few awkward moments Sally took the mic and graciously said something along these lines, "I can't show you what it looks like because we all have different issues.  But let me ask you, what do your children see when they look in your eyes?"

It was the question of the week for me?  What do my children see when they look into my eyes?  Because it has everything to do with the blessed formula that can answer any and all questions, calm all fits, and always point our children toward Jesus.  Love.  Love must be the lens through which we see our beloved ones, and love must be what they see in our eyes as they look back up to us.  

And still, don't you want to ask "But what does it look like?"  

When my children wake up and negative, hurtful words are again the first thing out of their mouths.  What does love look like when all of our consequences and encouragement seem to do nothing?  What do I do when they continue to disobey at the table and hit one another and run away shouting "NO!" when I call them to grab their shoes and hop in the car?  What do love beams shining from your eyes look like when these are the scenarios that string together to make up our long days?

It looks like endurance, it looks like perseverance, it looks like courage, it looks like faith.  It looks like Galatians 6:9, "Do not grow weary while doing good, in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."  It looks like James 1:2-4, "Consider pure joy my brothers and sisters when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  And Romans 5:3-5, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  It looks like Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." And 1 Corinthians 9:24, "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

The goal is the prize and the prize is LOVE!  The harvest is brought in through love, and love is perfected in us as we persevere through adversity, pressing on.  Love, love, persevere, love, love, persevere and then love some more.  

Press on.