I said yes to suffering this year.  I purposefully said yes.  

While there are far greater degrees of suffering in the world (and likely on our block) than what I am experiencing, it is still suffering... and this suffering I said yes to.

It was the end of summer and I was looking at the upcoming fall with many transitions.  My husband was beginning a new job that would take him away from us a few days each week.  I was beginning our family's first year of homeschool.  We were moving into a new home.  And then, in the course of a single week,  I received multiple emails from women's groups asking me to speak to their ladies in the months ahead.  

I've always been good at limiting my speaking engagements to 2-3 a year since I already have this full-time mothering ministry at home, but this time I felt lead to say "Yes."  One of the main things that prompted my response was the book Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis.  In her moving memoir, Katie shares her journey to mission work in Uganda.  Story after story and lesson after lesson touched me deeply, but the most lasting jewell I left with was her account of being back home in the States for half a year.  During that time she was shocked to discover how easy it was to meet her own needs.  When she was lonely she called friends.  When she was hungry she went to the refrigerator.  When she was tired she crawled into a nice comfortable bed.  Life was easy.  And in the ease she lost her fervent dependance on Christ to sustain her.  She longed again for that desperate nearness and need.  (This is my interpretation of her story, not a quote.)

I want to know that same dependency.  And so I said yes to homeschooling and continuing to speak to women's groups, and I've said yes to writing when I feel God teach me another lesson about His endless grace.  I'm saying yes, despite the fact I need more sleep.  I'm saying yes in spite of the difficulties.  And as I say yes and know great need, I glimpse Him in my every day hours and moments.  I sense His care as I care for others.  I know His nearness as I draw near to Him in the business of life.  I know His love courses through my veins as I commit to loving more than my physical frame is able.  

When I say yes to loving, to serving, to giving, to providing, beyond my means... and do so expectantly... He is there lifting, providing, and revealing Himself to me and those around me.  

I said yes, and it hurts today.  It physically and emotionally hurts today.  But Spiritually it is a balm. His nearness is real; He is alive and present.  The reality of my Redeemer's presence in my needy serving life is a sweet, sweet balm.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:10)

W also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  (Romans 5:3-5)