5:15 am

and the alarm rings

though I'm already awake

pondering my dreams.

off goes the Heralder

and I arise

trod to the bathroom 

splashing sleep out of my eyes

another early morning drive

with my daughter at my side

the specialists await

to size, and weigh, and prod my child.

how long have we been doing this

measured in hours, or in years?

how much longer I'm known to cry

weighed out in blood and tears.

silence hangs in the car

as my sleeping child stirs

the speed bump in the parking lot

wakes my precious girl

she looks around

at the familiar slice of our world.

pulling into "our spot"

and turning back the key

I find the princess of my universe

smiling back and me

The breath evacuates my breast

we hug and then we pray

and strengthened once again

we make our well-worn way

back to the 4th floor.

At the beginning of our marriage, Matt and I went to "Stonebriar Community Church" in Frisco, Texas.  The paster there is Chuck Swindoll.  What a gift it was to sit under his teaching.  So many well delivered nuggets of Biblical truth from his sermons 10 years ago, still challenge us today.  One of the series he delivered during our time at Stonebriar, took us through the entire book of Job.  I wish I could remember the number of Sundays we sojourned as a congregation through Job's suffering, I think it was nearly an entire year looking back.  Swindoll took us methodically and carefully through Job's righteousness, his suffering, his "friends" advice, Job's plea for relief, his arguements with the Lord, and then God's response to Job.  What a long journey for us all.  But not nearly as long as Job's actual trial through days, months and years of suffering.  And not as long as my friend Allyson's daughter's journey through illness and emotional turmoil as she suffers.

I'm reading again through the book of Job right now.  And today God is impressing upon my heart to pray for those who are suffering all around me:  Those who know physical pain and uncertainty, emotional upset and anxiety, financial disarray and fear, or a mixture of all those and so much more.

Job wished that God would weigh his righteousness out upon a balance and give him the just measure he deserved, for God tells us that Job was a Righteous man.  I don't ask for that, I don't want what I deserve.  For I know my own sinful tendencies... and know I deserve death for my unrighteousness.  But instead, I praise God for the Righteousness I received through His Son.  In light of that gift... we are His Righteousness.  Only because of that great exchange can our prayers echo Jobs.  And yet we don't always "get what we want", or deserve, on this side of Glory.  

That said, hurting friends, God assured us in light of our many troubles, that we can be of good cheer.  That's miraculous.  I can't wrap my mind around it.  O how I pray that He makes it true in your heart right now.  And so I remind Him of His Redemptive love for you, and ask Him to display it mightily in your life this day.  I praise His Name and His Redemptive Power, boasting in His might alone on your behalf as you suffer today.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

Those who are far from you will perish;

you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

I will tell of all your deeds.

(Psalm 73:25-28 )