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gentle... gentle... gentle...
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I originally intended to name my Blog:
LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SONS -
An honest confessional... uh, devotional, for Mothers of Boys.
While I stuck with the shorter title, the purpose remains the same... to confess my shortcomings, as I look to the One who turns my mess into His message, and my tests into a testimony. And so my confession today is the same.
I'm not always Gentle. Take a look at me here. These little ones were being children... wiggly, goofy, tired, on vacation little children. But I wanted to take a family picture! This picture makes me laugh - I really should be wearing a slip! But it also makes me cry - Because each time I look at it I can feel the fierce turmoil that can overtake me at times as I parent.
And it breaks my heart.
We signed up for this Mama-Gig with idyllic images of tender tuck-ins and family game nights, of laughter at the dinner table and chocolate milk mustaches while painting at the easel. But it hasn't turned out all roses and sunshine, has it? It's hard! Really hard. And I think that feelings of ANGER and our overall Lack-of-Gentleness, stem from disappointment and unmet (albeit unrealistic) expectations.
"Why are you doing this to me? Don't you know I just want to love you and cuddle you and teach you and buy you stuff and tickle your back? Why are you whining at me for more juice and throwing a tantrum at nap-time? I've still got to get your baby brother fed and down for his nap! We had a great time at the park this morning! You have the bestmommyintheworld!!!! I repeat, Why Are You Doing This To Me?"
Just today I spoke to a girlfriend who confessed that she got upset at her son and threw a handful of legos down in anger. One little plastic piece bounced off the ground and hit her precious boy in the face. Now two weeks and two stitches later, she poured out her heart to me about longing to be gentler with her boys. I know! Once again, check me out in my Tina Turner pose above... I get it!
My journey in this regard has been very difficult. I'd describe it as a Spiritual Journey for three and a half years, and a Physical Journey for the past month. This is what I mean. Since my third son was born I've felt anxious, stressed beyond my abilities to cope, heartbroken, lacking joy and patience and... gentleness.
I clung to the verses about the fruit of God's Spirit in my life and found at the heart of it all this key element of abiding in Him as He abides in us. If we abide in Him... WE WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT! It seemed to me (and still does) a very simple equation. And that's what we're after, isn't it? I abide in Him, He abides in me, and I will bear much "fruit!"
" But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law... If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit." (Galatians 5:22-24)
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.... Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. (John 15: 1,5-6)
And so, I surrendered. I surrendered as much as my Spirit was able over the past three years. But the more I learned to trust and rest and abide in Him, the more heartbroken I found myself as I still lacked the fruit of His Spirit in my heart and home... and toward my loved ones.
And then everything came to a head as I sat with my Doctor for the umpteenth time, trying to figure out my hormones, birth control, and mood swings. I'd been gauging my cycles and discovered that my emotional turmoil always reared it's ugly head from around day 10 to day 22 each month. I was battling what many women do after having their 2nd or 3rd child... the hormones just get all wacked! And PMSDD (Premenstrual Depressive Disorder) holds them captive.
I don't struggle with traditional depression, in my case it feels more like out-of-control emotions. And during it all I cling tight to the Vine, eager for the fruit! Always thinking, "If only I were a better Christian, a more devoted follower of Jesus, THEN I could attain this abiding that leads to fruit!" But at the Doctor's Office that day I was given more than a prescription for medication... I was given the eyes to see that while we are Spiritual Beings, who are to live in step with the Spirit, we are also Physical Beings, living in a fallen, imperfect world. My Physical state is out of synch with God's perfect design, but my Spirit... my Spirit has grown so much as I've sought after Him in the last years.
What exactly am I saying?
You, you who seek to be gentle with your husband and children, with your family and neighbors and friends... you wonderful women who long to abide and bear fruit... keep on abiding, tucking yourselves into the folds of His robe; drink deeply from His Word, and seek Godly counsel... But remember that you are a Physical being as well.
If you are not getting the sleep you need, the vitamins you need, the fresh air and exercise you so desperately need... your physical body will not be able to respond gently to the stressors in your life.
There! There's another simple equation for you.
To your Spirit, abide in Christ! But to your Body, I instruct you to be healthy so that gentleness, patience, and self-control can flow through your earthly branches.
gentle... gentle... gentle... with ourselves.... that we might be gentle... with those in our midst.
Categories: JOY in the midst..., The Hard Days
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WomenLivingWell
7:43 PM on January 10, 2012
This is an excellent post!!! We are complex beings and our mind body and spirit are all connected. It is so important that we take care of them all. Thank you for sharing your heart here. Just beautiful.
Courtney
Courtney
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