It's been a couple if weeks since my last blog entry — ironically, my last post was focused on the generous encouragement I received from three lovely friends.  For you see, I've been down lately.  Too down to write through it.  And this down hasn't been a recent falling, and scrapping of the knee.  When I look over the last couple of years blogging here, I see many posts tagged away into a file called "The Hard Days."  It's embarrassing how many of them there have been.  But it's simply been hard.  

You know my heart here at "LoveCovers..." is to point to Christ even in the hard: His power perfected in weakness, His redeeming love, His transforming ways.  And I have. And I do.  And I will.  But one of my spiritual hiccups has been equating the hard troubles of life, in my case the lack of joy and peace, with something spiritually wrong with me.  There are so many verses that I know, tucked away, ones that promise if I abide, then there will be this blessed fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  And so I tuck in deeper still, growing in my dependence and my faith that I am loved, and yet still... where is the joy?

A week ago I had some test results come back, three specific bullet points that shot to my core and made me cry ugly tears.  1) My adrenal test showed that my adrenal glands are shot; not producing enough cortesol for my body to deal with stress.  2) My Thyroid (Reverse T3) came back high — supporting that my body has not been able to deal with stress.  And finally 3) when a homeopathic therapist tested me to find out which hormones are out of whack in little ole me, the result was shocking.  He explained it to me in these simplistic terms, "When a woman is pregnant her normal hormones shift out, and a different medley fill her body as she grows the baby.  After the baby is born, the normal hormones swing back into place.  Or they should.  During this time women can get 'the baby blues."  When the healthy hormones don't balance out again we suffer from depression, post partum depression.  You, my dear, haven't been very happy for about five years, have you?"  

Tears.

Only a week on some hormone therapies and natural adrenal support meds and I am slowly starting to feel something akin to happiness.  

I may be over-sharing here, I try not to on this blog.  But this at the core of all my thoughts these days.  

I hope to be writing again soon.  There are so many bright spots on difficult days.  Today, for instance, my baby went off to kindergarten for his first class day.  While we homeschool three days a week, this was a monumental big boy day!  O, my heart!

But tonight I am not going to stay and encourage you with the lessons I am learning.  Tonight I am going to take a hot bath after tucking my littles into bed.  I'm going to spray some lavender on my pillow and relax into a good night's sleep.  But if I had the time and the energy and the words, this is the post I would want to write.  

Thank you, Ruth, over at...