There were many words of wisdom Matt and I received from our pre-married counselor, words that I come back to again and again over the years.  One of those pearls began with a question to me:  "Wendy, what are you most afraid could happen in your marriage?"  It took me but a second to respond, "I'm scared that I'm going to serve and serve and serve, and eventually I'll end up losing myself."  Pastor Ken looked Matt square in the eye and asked him, "Do you hear this?"  Then he turned to us both and said, "If you both lay down your life for one another, to serve each other, then both of you will still have your life, because the other has picked it back up.

It's a beautiful picture, and one that has stoked my fire again and again in our marriage.  And yet it hasn't always been such a balanced act of laying down and picking up, taking care and being cared for, and I fight to maintain my life in our home.  I think that is normal.  And yet laying down our lives for our spouse isn't what this post is about...  read on.

In marriage we are called to serve our husbands, ever-hopeful they will be there to appreciate, affirm, build up, and love us back.  But where our children are concerned, the self-sacrifice often goes unnoticed as it is constant and the most natural part of our moment to moment lives.  And many of us can get lost in the process, and do, with little ones underfoot.  And yet I adamantly believe that God has a desire for mothers to actually lose our lives... and gain them during this intense season of sacrifice.

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it,

but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

Matthew 16:25

I've mentioned before that I love equations, especially now that I'm a busy mom, mothering three boys and far outside of my comfort zone much of the time.  I want to know that if I abide in Christ I will bear fruit, I want to know that when I bring my prayers and petitions before the Lord with Thanksgiving, the peace of God which surpasses all my understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.  I like simple, do-that-and-you-will-expereince-this equations.  But it's not that simple.  It's meant to be, but it's not because of our failed world full of illness, bitterness, and sinfulness.  Sin complicates everything!  But this verse above is pretty straightforward and, eternally speaking, I don't think we can mess it up to much.  

If I want to save my life, in my marriage, getting all the things I think I deserve here and now... then that will be my reward.  My riches I receive here on earth will be my great treasure.  But in the end my self-love will cost me great gain in the everlasting life to come. 

"But!" Jesus goes on to say, "Whoever loses their life (laying it down) for me will find it!"  Moms, this is for us!  If we can find the blessed balance between caring for ourselves, because we are loved by our maker, and yet choosing to lay down our reward here and now, that we might follow Christ's example on Earth to gain life everlasting with Him when this one is done... we will know true reward, costly treasure; imperishable and lasting.

But it starts and ends with service, sacrifice, and surrender.  

When I had my first soft-skinned baby boy, I would awake to the sound of his newborn cries in the night and find myself already half way down the hall to his room.  Truly, my body would respond to his needs before I was fully awake.  It was natural for me to forsake my own sleep to nurse and hold and comfort my infant son.  But now, after 8 years of loving sacrifice, I find myself longing for some reward here and now.  (Yes, this is another one of my confessions.)  I'd like a bit more praise, a word or two of affirmation from the man cubs and their father who leads the pack; more sleep of course, that would be nice;  and help so that I can have some time alone or with friends.

I am learning to fit some me-time into our busy lives, so that I can take care of my heart, body, and spirit, and I'm teaching the boys to honor me with their thanks and their help at home, but God is also doing a work in my heart.  He is reminding me again and again that I am following Him, which is not easy.  Following Christ is a life of service, sacrifice, and surrender.  Following our Savior is following the example of the greatest love of all... a love that lays down its own life...  a love that gives all it has for the benefit of others...  a love that doesn't count the cost... and a love that stores its reward on the other side of eternity's veil.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life

for his friends.

John 15:13